Do you ever have one of those days when a series of unrelated thoughts, or seemingly unrelated, collide in your mind and you find yourself suddenly realizing a new proud truth (well, new to me that is) that draws upon years of reading, musing and life experiences. That was my experience today and I have been harassed by this intuitive nudge for most of the day, and the realization was simply this, life is just a series of questions we continually ask in a variety of ways, as we fervently seek to find meaning in everything we experience or wish to create. What does that look like you may ask? Well, when we get dressed in the morning and look in the mirror we are assessing ourselves to make sure we look presentable so the internal questions would be, “is my hair okay”, we bare our teeth and the question is, “is there any plaque in my teeth”, or we scan our clothing and ask, “does this look okay”? The assessments we make continuously are simply a series of questions we ask subconsciously about the state of affairs of our world.
The mundane and repetitive questions we ask about our daily task are generally harmless and are useful as we put things in a context so that we can align them with our preferred experiences, but there are questions we ask of a different nature that can be very problematic or even devastating, and these questions have to do with our sense of self worth and belonging. I was listening to Tony Robbins several years ago and he mentioned something called our “primary question” which is the foundation premise that we build our reality on. Tony had discovered within himself was a question that had guided him his whole life, and it was that “if I help people I will be loved, did I do enough to make you love me?” Tony had said that he felt if he could not help another he almost felt like he was dying, because helping others was how he received love, and we need love to survive. I had discovered by primary questions a few years ago and it was “am I enough,” which of course alluded to the fact that in all areas of my life I did not feel enough. I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, good looking enough, successful enough, loveable enough. Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, I could only continue to ask, “am I enough”?
This primary question ruled my life with an iron fist and stole the joy of so many experiences that it saddens me to now realize that what was happening all along. The bright side to this however, now realizing that was a big part of the problem, I can now with eyes and heart wide open and explore the world I created and unearth all the evidence that answers the question with a positive affirmation, “Yes, I am enough”. And the other great thing is that we can always go and remodel or change our primary question to one that would be more beneficial to our lives. My primary question has gone from “am I enough” to “ what would love do” and the effect this is starting to have is amazing. Despite the challenges life may continue to throw at me, I am realize that I am enough and now love is the filter I look at the world through, which certainly changes how I experience my reality.
Don’t get me wrong, the old question likes to rear its ugly head from time to time, but when it does, the new question allows me to see past it to the reality of the wonderful life I truly lead. So your task if you care to explore it, is to search for your primary question, your internal driver, and see how much of your life is governed by it. Once we unearth that driver it becomes much easier to course correct and lead a life that is conscious and on purpose. What is your question??
C. David Gilks Your Fellow Traveler
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