Are you afraid of your why??

I was thinking about this today and after chewing on it for a while I had some interesting clarity, or it could total crap, I am sure you will let me know, on why many of us, myself included, do not ask for or reach out for the things we want. I wondered is it because I don’t believe I deserve it, that the why was out my league or was it something else? As I explored the idea a bit more I came across a new awareness that “some of the reasons” not all them, for me not pursing different goals or “whys” was not that I didn’t want them, it was that I was not prepared to deal with the rejection or ridicule that I feared would arise in pursuit of that goal.

This was quite a new awareness of a long-standing problem that was cleverly disguised as “I don’t have the time for that” or “It isn’t really not my thing” or “that looks a waste of time”. So allowing ourselves to be held back by our own negative opinions or the negative opinions of others is tragic. I find that, perhaps like many of you, I work harder in areas of my competency to make up for the areas where I “feel” I lack, kind of like a magician’s sleight of hand. If I can do good enough over here I can stop you from looking at all the places I “feel” I lack. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty in my life that I love, and grateful for, but in the spirit of growth, I want to chase out as many of the shadows that still rob me of some of my joy. So part of my journey is to list all the things I want to do but was always scared of the judgment or ridicule of others and see if they are still a valid part of my “why”. Having fun was one of my whys which I never pursued because I felt that I had wasted so much of my life “having fun” already that is was time to get serious. So this year, I promised myself and my kids and friends, I will be more fun. How about you??

C. David Gilks Your Fellow Traveler