The "I AM" Project
of
Rev Deacon
Ravings of a Mad Man
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The "I AM" Project |
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"...TO
SAVE A WRETCH LIKE ME." Date: Monday, 04 October 1999, 14:23 PST, A Perfect Moment... |
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Yesterday, I attended a Christian church. So
what...you might say. Well, other than for a wedding or a funeral, I have not been
in a conventional church for probably 30 years. Definitely not a sunday
service. Anyway, Crystal's children were in a skit at this church and Crystal said they would appreciate me coming. My answer was that I would be there for the girls during the play, but could not guarantee being inside during the services. Well, we went and the girls were fabulous. All the children in the play were fabulous. But then, are not all children ages 8-13 absolutely fabulous in plays? It is said: "Look to the little children." Anyway, we were late and arrived just before the play began. And, per the program, the play was put on just before the "worship through music". When I saw this, I felt a little comfortable and thought I would linger until this was over. Actually started looking forward to letting my voice sing again. As the music started, it was nice. Started to sing along by following the words printed in the program and only made it to the end of the first sentence..."to save a wretch like me." OOooppss... Got about "wre.." out of my mouth and I froze. I may regret certain things I have done in my life. May sometimes even get off center enough to think I am living in hell. But, a wretch...NEVER. How could anyone with half an idea about what God is...and the totality of that includes ourselves...ever say they were a wretch. So, I stood there...quiet...observing the minister, the lead singer, and the rest of the congregation. The minister was standing back from the microphone. Must assume he was not proud of his voice. However, there was a smile on his face and you could tell he was enjoying himself. The lead singer, with a beautiful voice, was radiating joy as she sang. For a small congregation, the rest of the congregation sounded larger than it was. Most these people were having fun. For that, I gave thanks immediately. So neat to see people joyful. Even if I do not agree with their beliefs. Yes, I lasted about 1 1/2 of the 4 songs, tapped Crystal on the shoulder and let her know that I would be outside. Fortunately, the church grounds had some nice seats among some trees and flowers. So I sat down and breathed in the air, felt the warmth of the sun, communed with the flowers and trees for a moment and pulled my legs up underneath me and meditated. During meditation, I explored my feelings about the teachings of christianity. The joy in that church caught me off guard. Yet, as I started to pursue this direction and to ask questions, I realized my beliefs had not changed. Since I was a very small child I have been communicating with my spiritual parents directly. I never needed a middle-man such as Jesus. And, being saved...never felt I needed to be saved. Not saying I have not made mistakes, but have always felt that those were for learning and to change what appeared to not work. And, as I shared in the raving: "I Am Going to Hell", I have never believed in a theological place of eternal punishment. And, that is the only thing I might accept a need to be saved from...except maybe myself from time to time...or a beautiful woman. Okay, stay on track Deacon! And, I still find it somewhat morbid to continually focus on the torture of Jesus. This consistent conversation about all the tortures that Jesus went through to save us 2000 years later. What about what he taught us? Wow, I just realized that that aspect of Jesus was not shared in anything I heard or read in that church. Wow! Thank You Mother-Father Spirit. Christian churches teach what Jesus went through to save them, but do not give the lessons Jesus taught us to save ourselves...to create harmony, peace, joy, love, abundance, and gratitude in our life's. He taught us forgiveness. I believe this was one of the greatest lessons. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others. Forgiveness is what calms us when we allow a mistake we have done to play "mind-f__k" with us and create that state of mind we call hell. When the church services came to an end, the people started to come out. Some still had lit up faces, but most had allowed it to fade between the time they left the pew and the time they reached outside. Yep, an acceptance of back to the real world with all its challenges had already infiltrated their thinking. A shame... Unequipped with the joyful teachings of Jesus that taught us direction for our life's and how to meet challenges. Starting as young child, I have through the years received this picture of me standing up in a church in the middle of a sermon and saying "Bullshit". Now, in truth, that is part of why I do not attend conventional churches. This picture continues with showing me talking. The words are not my words, but words are coming through me. Also in this picture, as the words start to come out of my mouth, I start to levitate and move to the center of the room. Just about the time I am in the center, the picture stops. Same picture show every time it is shown to me. Some might say I fear this. Nope! But, it is a little radical even to me. I may not accept any part of myself as a "wretch", but I sure did not accept myself as the type of person that feels he has enough to teach to start doing stuff like that. Maybe the parents have some sort of purpose for this, but I do not feel that need. And yet, when I see what is being taught to our children, what is being taught to us, and the race consciousness that is being continually developed...that does bother me. Have always wondered how people could go out and mistreat each other because some man was tortured years ago that saves them from their sins. Sure does take the responsibility of finding a way to love ourselves enough to love others away from us. It is like saying, "I can mistreat you (be a "wretch" of a person) and not worry about it because I believe in Jesus Christ and my soul is saved." Oh boy! I do not know! Is it better that some belief be taught rather than no belief at all? That argument has still not been settled in my mind. But, to teach a brother or sister that they are a "wretch" is not something I can accept whatsoever. Something is definitely wrong with this! Divine Love, The DEACON |
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