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Today, I went to church. I am not sure how I got
directed to do so; but, the 'yes/no' affirmed that I should go. So, I looked
up the maps on yahoo and followed the course. I ended up in a position
about 1 mile short of the address where my low-riding Buick was not going to
make it through the ruts in the dirt road I was on. About the time I
was backing up, a mini-van came up and made the same decision.
I asked him if he knew if there was a church up this road. He replied,
"Yes, about a mile up. I live just past it." He told me if I
would follow him he would show me another way to get there. And, I
did. A nice gentleman... for which he got blessed.
The church was on a lot of acreage of hills and trees. They also
hosted retreats. I was told that they were mystical christians
accepting the woo-woos of metaphysics. The property was quite peaceful
as I drove up the dirt road to the church which was about 3/4 of a mile into
the property. I parked in the grass under the trees with the other
cars. Got out and walked another 1/4 mile just enjoying the serenity.
Then, I saw the church. I was turned-off immediately.
Anyone that knows me knows how I feel about crosses being a representation
of God. It is a torture device. And, it represents how people
mistreated a man that tried to teach us a better way of living.
But, I continued in after consulting the 'yes/no' again.
At the altar they had an eight foot statue of Jesus which caused me to
question again. Again, I got the answer that I needed to be here.
They did not teach damnation; but, they did a lot of "in Jesus name".
The sermon was filled with stories and quotes from the bible. The
music and songs praised Jesus instead of God. And, the offertory was
lengthy and long on how we would be better christians in giving to the
church.
After the service, I spent time walking the grounds. I felt it safer
for all concerned to avoid the people. I knew that I would not lie if
asked what I thought of the service.
I was still questioning why I felt directed to attend a christian church
after so many years avoiding them. So, now I will share my thoughts...
I have been questioning my faith. Just what do I really think
God or Spirit is and what part of all of it pertains to me. I don't
have a question that there is a higher intelligence. There is too much
order to the universe for there not to be. I don't have a question on how
the universe works. Ernest Holmes showed me that.
What I am having challenges with is how I am supposed to relate to It.
For many years I have been praying to Mother-Father Spirit. And, with
that approach I am still making reference to it being outside myself.
I am not taking it within myself. Most everybody says that God is
everything... regardless of how people treat everything. I believe
that It is everything. But, even making reference to it being
everything, do I really accept it is part of myself?
Again, I am reminded of the ocean. A drop of water from the ocean
contains all of the elements of the ocean; but, it is not the entire ocean.
Me, being part of the everything that Spirit is... like a drop of water from
the ocean... I contain all the elements of Spirit within myself. If I
have all the elements of Spirit within myself, does that mean that I have
all the powers of Spirit... all the intelligence of Spirit... all the
anything of Spirit? I believe it works that way.
So, why don't I live with the joy, harmony, bliss, abundance, unconditional
love, instantaneous forgiveness, etc. that I consider the Spirit having?
Is it because of Spirit playing mind-games or testing me? I don't
think so. Or, is it because other people don't want me to be so?
That may be true; but, I have a choice of whether I let others affect me or
not. So, the blame cannot lie with others.
No, I think it is because I do not accept myself as Spirit.
I do not believe that there is a God or Spirit that tallies my life on a
long scroll of paper. Nor, do I believe that God or Spirit rewards me
if I am a good person or withholds if I am a bad person. That would
not be an unconditional loving God. Interesting... I don't believe
that God is unconditionally loving. I believe that God is still out
there creating and does not even know who Reverend Richard Thomas "The
Deacon" Stankey really is. But, he gave us the volition (a right and
responsibility to make decisions) and It made us in the "image and likeness"
of Itself.
So, I ask myself again... Why am I praying to something outside of
myself?...
I am Spirit. I get half way there when I say, "I am a Spirit living a
human experience." But, do I really hear and get in touch with the
first part of that statement? Do I treat myself as if... I am
Spirit?...
Spirit would not doubt. Spirit would not feel guilty. Spirit
would not be judgmental. Spirit would not accept lack. Spirit
would not be questioning as I am doing now. It would know it is Spirit
and there is no limits or reason to doubt or fear.
I once knew all of this. I guess I still do know all of this. I
have lived differently than the majority of people on this planet. I
have felt many times that I did not fit here. This piece of the
jig-saw puzzle had no place to marry it to within the puzzle. And
oh... so many many times I have tried to make it fit by compromising what I
know is true.
I am my worst enemy... the ultimate enemy. And, I will continue to be
that enemy until I recognize that I am Spirit every moment... in every
thought... with every action. I must get up every morning and realize
that if Spirit is everything then I am Spirit. I must stay steadfast
with that thinking as I go about the experiences of the day. I must
get past accepting and move into the knowing that I have the power and
responsibility to treat myself as I have been treating Spirit. I must
move beyond doubts by knowing that I have the power to make anything so.
I must watch my thoughts and my words and not fall into the traps during
conversations with others in accepting what they say that is negative.
I am Spirit! I am holy. I have within my mind the Universal
Intelligence to make right decisions. And, I have the power to make
those decisions manifest.
And, so do you.
Namaste'... The place where you and I are accepting we are truly Spirit.
Rev Deacon
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