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How do I deal with the pain from the so-called loss of
a loved one? I recently had a conversation with someone that brought
that question up. I have been giving thought to it ever since for it
reminded me of the pains from one's I have so-called lost.
My mother made her transition fairly recently. I had a little over
three years living with her and assisting with her blindness. During
this time, I had again grown very close to her. I loved her very much
for through the years we had been mother and son... life partners in sharing
the expenses of a home... business partners in our occupations... friends...
protectors... and much more... but, in the end we were mother and son once
more. And, as a son I got to return the care she had shown me as a
child.
It was not easy... her transition... even with my view of transition.
Which knows that we are all on-going and that the physical body dies; but,
the spirit goes on. But, for a moment, I felt the pains of loss that
we would not physically play together on this earth again.
(A note: A friend of mine since elementary school is a mortician and
stated: "It is better when one views the body of one that is deceased
than to not to. It is a finality that helps in the healing." I
believe this is true. There is a finality.)
Grieving is healing. Let no one tell you that grieving is wrong in any
way. However, I set a time that I will allow myself to grieve. I
do this for two reasons. One, it forces me to grieve and basically get
it over with. And two, it sets a time element for me to allow grieving to
interfere with my daily life. (Interesting, interfere versus
inter-fear. Made a note to process this later.) Some of us need
to let it all hang out. I choose to take a day and find a secluded
spot and just sob. I owe it to myself to take that time. No, it
is not going to put it all behind me; but, when I do it, the next time I
give thought to it the pain is less.
When this recent conversation happened, it brought up the thoughts of my
mother. Some tears and some sadness creeped in for a moment.
However, I have trained myself to remember the good times. I remember
the gifts of her presence in my life and am grateful that we had those
experiences together. Actually, I started this thinking immediately
upon hearing that she had passed on. And, these thoughts brought a
smile to my face and the tears were healed.
The loss of friendship is also a transition. The same actions must be
taken... grieving and remembering the gifts of their presence with
gratitude. It is still the passing of someone from your life. In
fact, I believe this action is harder to deal with for you know the person
still exists in a physical form. Your desire to see them, hug them,
converse with them, play with them, grow with them, and experience with them
is constantly a pulling effect. Unfortunately, we cannot say that they
no longer exist in the physical form and let it go as easily. And, the
pain is deeper since we must know that forgiveness is lacking somewhere.
All so-called losses of anything... home, occupation, the proud ownership of
a certain car, an old way of life, a child growing up and moving out, a
cherished animal, your eye-sight, so many items... have their effect on our
emotions and need to be dealt with. Please hear me now... deal
with them. You owe it to yourself. Do not stuff them. For
they will fester like an unattended sliver. They will creep into your
judgments when you least want them and steer you toward manifesting cloudy
results. Take a day off and grieve. Take the time to remember
the precious moments that you experienced together. Forgive yourself
and the other for anything that needs to be forgiven. Be grateful.
Bless them. And, then release them so you can go on... and... they can go
on. If you love them and yourself unconditionally and unselfishly,
this must be done.
I guess this is all a lesson in the human trait of emotional commitment.
And, emotional commitment means that we are not listening to Spirit.
There appears to be no pain within Spirit. In harmony with Spirit, we
can take the best of experiences and act in the now.
So... I choose...
"Spirit... I move into harmony with you. I let you guide me beyond the
pains and emotional commitment that I have to anyone and anything. I
let forgiveness fill my heart. I release myself and all others from
the dominions of any circumstances. I let you remind me of the
beautiful and glorious experiences that I had and learned from. I let
the flow of gratitude move into me. And with the gratitude, I let the
blessings flow. I move into the now knowing that only the best for me
will be in my thoughts and actions and my manifestations will produce warm,
peaceful, loving, exciting, joyous and fun experiences. I live in
trust. I live in peace. And, IT IS SO!"
Namaste'... Rev Deacon
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